Author's Note : This is a short piece told through Cordy's POV. After Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, Cordy reflects on recent happenings, her relationship with Xander, and her place on the Hellmouth

Standard Disclaimers : I am not Joss Whedon, nor do pretend to be. Therefore, the characters do not belong to me. They belong to Joss and the WB. I'm just borrowing them in the hopes of creating something entertaining .. or at least mildly interesting.

Have you ever had your whole life come crashing down around you, like a bad Kevin Costner movie? Then welcome to my world. I still can't believe what I did. I totally blew off all of my friends for the opportunity to go out with Xander.

Still, they weren't really my friends. Most of the time Harmony and all of those other girls were just hanging around to leach off of my popularity--which has just plummeted since the incident. People who used to crave my attention suddenly look at me as if I'm from Mars. I can not believe it--*I*, Cordelia Chase, am .... unpopular.

But do I really want to be popular here? I mean, all of the things that used to matter like clothes, makeup, hair and guys--seem so stupid now. It was all so trivial. We could talk for hours about lip stick--LIP STICK! Maybe that's why Xander and Buffy and Willow all think I'm some kind of moron.

I pull into the Sunnydale high school parking lot in my BMW, and I can see the different groups of people talking with each other. But for the first time--I really see them. Not just as labels, but as people. A group of the cheerleaders walks past my car, they turn their noses up at me. And then another girl walks by. Her name is Rosella. She's a quiet girl who doesn't say much to anyone except her two (and only) best friends. When she's with those friends, she's like a totally different person. But she can't quite socialize with the popular crowd. And maybe that's my fault. Maybe my tormenting her has made her into the hermit.

"Hi Rosella," I say to her politely.

She stops and looks back at me strangely. Probably because I've never said a nice word to her in her life.

"Hello Cordelia," she mumbles and leaves the parking lot.

I watch her go and realize it's my fault. Why did I make fun of people who were different than me? Am I that superficial? I felt so terrible about it. I used to laugh at all of the geeks—oops, I mean socially challenged—for years, and now I probably am one. Wow that was deep.

As I got out of the car, I walked quickly up to the main building, trying to avoid making eye contact with anybody. I noticed them giggling and whispering to themselves. My sudden turning had become the gossip of the whole school. I would probably be forever known as , "Cordelia the geek lover," thanks to Xander.

Don't get me started about him. I don't even know why I'm going out with Xander. Well, that's only part true. I like him I guess, but it's weird, y'know? I mean, half the time we're fighting or making jokes at each other. Of course the rest of the time we're...well that's private. I don't understand it myself. On Valentine's day, he gave me this silver heart thing and started talking about that there could maybe more between us than just occasional making out. It was really nice, but I stupidly broke up with him because I actually cared about what all of my "friends" thought. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Then he wouldn't have gone and tried to put that spell on me. That was really sweet though, he went through all that trouble for me. I broke his heart on Valentine's Day—of all days. That was a little selfish. Of course, he was a little psycho with that magic. But he was pretty brave when he tried to save me from that mob and stuff. I don't know, I guess maybe he does mean more to me than I care to admit. That might explain why I dumped my reputation for him. But I've known the guy since kindergarten and until recently he's just been Xander...y'know, dorky old Xander. But certain things have happened and I kinda started looking at him differently.

Since I learned that Sunnydale is just one big demon hot spot, things have become a lot clearer. The mysterious death and disappearances and general icky creepy stuff that I never really noticed before suddenly had a place. "Vampires are real...there are a lot of them in Sunnydale," as Xander put it. This Hellmouth thing has put a serious cramp into my life. Demons and Vampires and evil...you wouldn't think this kind of thing could happen to you. I now find myself thinking 'What's going to happen next?' And am I going to live through it? I mean, we're talking about vampires here. Real vampires—with the pointy teeth and the biting. And it's scary y'know? Yeah, I admit it. I'm scared. And I'm glad we've got Buffy around.

Now that's something I never thought I'd here myself saying...But it's true. We all need Buffy—she's the slayer. And it's not just that...I have to admit it, she's a good person. After all, she puts up with me, and I have no idea why. I remember when she first moved here from LA, and she accidentally attacked me at the Bronze because she thought I was a vampire. God, I was so annoyed then, but when I look back at it now, it seems silly to have gotten angry about it. Buffy has an undeserved bad reputation, not just with the students, but with the teachers too. She once told me that she got kicked out of her old school because she burned down a gym full of vampires. But it's not her fault she's the slayer. It's her destiny or something like that. But she has Willow and Xander. They are really close friends, and sometimes I get jealous of that. They're always there for each other. And Buffy has really needed their support lately, after the whole Angel incident! That had to suck big time. I mean, Angel is such a hottie, and I can totally see what Buffy saw in him...or used to anyway. Since Angel went bad, he's really been harassing her. I know if I was a slayer I could never bring myself to stake the guy who I was in love with. I feel bad for Buffy. She brings out the good in people.

I walked into the school, and things seemed different. My presence had been noted by several of the more popular students. I walked down the halls and glanced to me left and my right. They were still laughing and pointing. But what could I do? I don't know how to deal with this kind of stuff, because I was always at the other end of it. How did Willow do it?

Willow Rosenberg used to be my ultimate punching bag. I made fun of her so much and she never fought back. Xander usually did that for her, but only if he was around. I could say anything to this girl and she never had a comeback. But things have changed. Since Buffy moved here, Willow is like a different person. She stands up to people, and doesn't take stuff from me anymore. I respect her a great deal now, and she's my friend I guess. I talk to her about stuff, especially if I need some advice (or dirt) about Xander. And she listens to me. She actually listens to what I have to say. After all that I did to her. And she's probably a better person than me because she does. Willow is going out with this guy Oz now. He's in that band with Devon, an ex-boyfriend of mine. He's a werewolf, y'know, but he's good for her too. They make such a cute couple. But I know that she has this crush on Xander, but I don't say anything about it. I don't think there could ever be anything between them, because they're just to close as friends. Hopefully Oz will get her over him. She really seems to like him, and they have a lot in common.

So I thought to myself, that maybe I should take a page from the book of Willow. I walked briskly through the halls, with my head high. I mean, what did I have to be ashamed about? So I was going out with Xander. Big deal. If they couldn't handle it, it was their problem. When I reached my locker, I actually felt good about myself. I wasn't running with the crowd now, I could do what I wanted. I could be my own person, who wasn't always obsessed with the latest trends that were over in five minutes. Suddenly, a couple of the football players approached me. I had a bad feeling.

"Hey Cordelia," said Stan, the biggest and un-brightest of them, "What's happening babe."

"Don't call me babe, " I shot back.

"What's this I hear about you going out with Xander?" remarked another one of them snidely.

Now I was getting a little bit annoyed, "It's none of your business Rod." I turned to leave, but Stan slammed his hand into the locker right in front of me, blocking my path.

"What's your hurry Cordy?" he laughed.

"Yeah? We're just concerned about the crowd you've been hanging with lately," added Rod.

I said nothing but glowered at the them. A small group of girls, who had been eavesdropping a few feet away, decided to join in.

"You know Cordelia, if you apologize to Harmony, she might let you be friends with everybody again, " said Alexis, the most annoying girl I had ever met. Since my de-crowning as the popularity queen of Sunnydale High, Harmony had instantly taken my place.

"Yeah, getting all chummy with Buffy and company has not helped your social status," added Chloe, another of the girls.

"I don't care about my social status, okay?"

"Oh, so I guess having Xander in closetville is more important," teased Alexis, "I don't know what you see in him. He's just a geek."

"He is not. And maybe if you took the time to look past the surface you might see that too. Now get out of my way," I exclaimed hotly. I was mad. I was really mad. Nobody disses Xander like that except me!

"Is there a problem here?" asked a familiar voice behind me. The assembled group turned to see Buffy and Xander standing there. Alexis and Chloe laughed to themselves and shuffled off to find a new target. However, I would not get rid of Stan and Rod so easily.

"Look Cordelia, it's your new best friends," mocked Rod.

"Hi Buffy. You wanna give me a private workout after school?" teased Stan. It was a well known fact around the school that Buffy was strong. People just didn't know that it was for a purpose.

"Only if I get to smash you against the wall," retorted Buffy.

"Repeatedly," added Xander sarcastically.

"Can you two morons just go and find someone else to talk to in your own IQ range...there's a wall over there," I snapped. Apparently Xander's sarcasm was starting to rub off on me.

"You just wait Cordelia. One of these days you are going to come begging to Harmony and *her* friends for forgiveness. You can't go without getting all the attention," said Stan as he and Rod started to move off.

I watched them go, and I was glad when they were out of sight. I turned to Buffy and Xander. I wanted to say thank-you, but that's a new thing for me. So I just kinda stood there uncomfortably.

"So Cordelia," said Xander as he moved up beside me and put his arm around my waist, "How does it feel to be a mere mortal?"

"Very funny, " I replied.

"Umm, we were just going to the library. Giles found a new prophecy and he's just dying to share. Want to come?" asked Buffy.

I pondered this for a moment, and in the space of about three seconds I realized a lot of things. Namely that this would be my fate for the rest of my high school days. I may have been exiled from the inner popularity circle, but I guess I now had a place in the 'Slayerette' circle, or whatever Xander said they call themselves. But none the less, I had a place in the universe. And it was a lot more important than a clashing wardrobe.

"Sure, " I smiled.

"That's the spirit. Y'know a school day just isn't complete without a prophecy of doom," responded Xander as we walked for the library.

I listened to him and Buffy have a conversation about medieval torture devices or something like that. I didn't need Harmony and all those other phonies. I have better friends now, a boyfriend of sorts, and I'm in on the biggest conspiracy since Roswell. And it's a lot more exciting than talking about lip stick—even if it is dangerous.