Blood And Blockbusters By: Anja K. and Anna Bailie Disclaimer: Joss owns everything, blah, blah, blah. This is my first attempt at writing a funny story (although some of my serious fics have turned out to be really stupid), so it's probably not very funny. The title is a dead give-away. PG.13 for a couple of light swear words and the occasional sex reference. It happens way after Becoming, but Drusilla and Spike never left town, and Angel was never sucked into hell. A peroxide blond guy in a black leather duster seemed preoccupied as he walked up to the cashier at Famous Players and flashed her what was actually his I'm-going-to-eat-you-now-smile, but, as he had anticipated, was perceived as flirting, or at least checking her out. He was, but not in the way she thought. The only thing he wanted from her was blood, and even though he literally had no conscience, he never cheated on his Princess. ''Hello, cutie.''- he said, and just then he heard he heard a very, very familiar voice. ''Spike?''- Drusilla whined, and he spun around and kissed her on the spot, much happier. He heard his would-be victim swear under her breath. ''Pet, I thought you didn't want to go to the movies!''- he said after they finally separated. If they'd been humans, they would be suffocated by now. ''I wanted to see the big moving pictures. I'm tired of TV.''- she replied.- ''I'm 'ungry, too, love.'' The girl cleared her throat and said: ''Well, we have a pretty nice snack bar.'' She was clearly annoyed. ''Don't flatter yourself.''- he told the girl. He'd never liked blondes much. ''Excuse me?''- she asked, obviously not used to such insults on her appearance. But Drusilla was really getting fed up with her, so she smashed the glass separating them, grabbed the girl, drank a for few minutes, and then shoved her to Spike. ''Want some?''- she asked innocently, her eyes open wide. He shook his head. ''No. The movie's starting, and we're already bloody late.'' And with that they walked in the movie theater, leaving the girl picturesquely sprawled on the ground, suffering from massive blood loss. * * * * * They walked into the room showing Scream 2 and sat in the middle. They were quiet for a few minutes, and watched a person get murdered brutally, bored, while everyone else was screaming. Then Spike couldn't take it anymore. ''Can you believe this? Remember Berlin, 1917? I killed a girl exactly like that! What a rip off.''- he said, quite loudly. ''I remember.''- Dru said dreamily.- ''Now 'ush.''- she scolded. They were quiet again, until Sarah Michelle Gellar came on the screen. Spike and Dru screamed, and pushed their backs into the seats, all in an attempt to get away from the horror. ''Aaah! Slayer!''- Drushilla screamed, and Spike buried his head in Dru's jacked. He would have enjoyed the position had he not been so terrified. ''Make 'er go away!''- he whined. ''It'll all be over soon, dear. It'll all be over soon.''- she tried to calm him down. ''It's all so terrible...''- he whispered, and Drusilla told him all the details as Sarah Michelle Gellar was killed. At the end they cheered. ''Will you two please shut up!''- a man behind them yelled. ''Can I eat 'im, love?''- Spike asked, giving Drusilla his puppy dog face. ''No!''- she said.- ''I want to go see Titanic.'' Spike protested: ''Pet, my best minion died on the Titanic!'' ''All right then. Tonight I'm going to see what Angel is doing, and you shan't get your present!''- she said, turning away from him. He sprung up, and dragged her out of the room towards the Titanic showing. * * * * * They sat at the back, and came right at the scene where Jack was sketching Rose. ''Angel drew me like that...''- Drushilla remembered. Spike turned around abruptly. ''By ''like that'', you mean on a boat, WITH clothes on, right?''- he asked, jealous. ''No.''- she answered simply. ''Please tell me that was before I met you?''- he said meekly. ''The first time.''- she said, eyes glued to the screen. ''There was a second one?''- he asked, even though he already knew the answer. ''And a third. The last time was just a few months ago.'' Spike lit up a cigarette out of habit. ''I'll kill 'im. I bloody swear, I'll kill 'im.''- he squished the burning cigarette out of anger. ''Oh, look! There 'e is!''- Drusilla cried.- ''Are you gong to kill 'im now, love?'' ''He's with the slayer, Dru. I really don't fancy spending any more time in a wheelchair.'' ''Ohhhh!''- Drusilla moaned- ''They're kissing!'' ''They sure are.''- Spike said. Drusilla was really mad. ''I'll kill 'er. I do swear, I'll kill 'er.'' -all of a sudden, she turned to Spike.: ''Can I kill 'er?'' ''After the movie, princess. Oh, look, the deaths are starting.'' A girl behind them asked: ''You're actually happy all those people are going to die? Don't you two have hearts?'' Spike and Drushilla turned around, game faces on. ''We did, but they're not in working order right now.''- Spike said. ''Uh, t-that's f-fine.'- the girl stammered. The two vamps turned around.- ''Thank you. Enjoy the slaughter.'' * * * * * The movie was over. Buffy and Angel walked by Spike and Dru, but they didn't notice them because the two vampires were crying two hard, unlike Buffy and her boyfriend. ''That *SNIFF* was the *SNIFF* saddest thing I've *SNIFF* ever seen!''- Drushilla wailed, and Spike handed her a tissue.- ''That was even *SNIFF* sadder then when *SNIFF* we went to *SNIFF* murder that orphanage, and *SNIFF* it was closed *SNIFF*.''- she remembered. ''I really *SNIFF* pity the people *SNIFF* that were in that hospital across the *SNIFF* street!''- Spike said, trying to control his tears- ''Let's go home, pet.'' And with that the two blubbering, 200-year-old vamps drove home, swearing never to go to the movies again. The End